I didn’t want to see Kim Kardashian naked.
Over the past few years, I’ve worked hard to remain as blissfully unaware of all things Kardashian as humanely possible. I’ve never seen any of their TV shows or read anything beyond the inescapable headlines at the checkout counter. I can’t tell Khloe from Kourtney and, it probably goes without saying, I haven’t seen the sex tape that helped propel the family to fame.
But when Kim decided that being saddled with the name North West wasn’t burden enough for her daughter and posed naked for Paper magazine, the internet worked overtime to make sure I couldn’t possibly avoid seeing the photos. (This may at least in part be my own fault, given that I have more Twitter accounts than MTV has shows about teenage mothers.)
As a result, I’ve seen not only the real pictures (which if asked to describe in one word, I’d dub “weird”) but approximately 1,434,246 parodies of. It is my fondest hope that having literally seen everything Kim has to offer, we as a people will finally realize that the pop culture empress truly is wearing no clothes and move on.